Episode 20: Breaking Up with Food & Relationships

 Summary

In this insightful interview, Dr. Denise Thinks explores the deep connection between our relationship with food, emotional health, and how it influences our choices in partners and life. Discover how food acts as an emotional partner, the impact of nutrition on health issues like fibroids, and practical steps for mindful eating and healing.

Sound bites

"Food has become an emotional attachment"
"Manipulation and lies in food marketing"
"Releasing control gives you your power back"

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Transformation and Healing
02:29 The Connection Between Food and Relationships
04:34 Personal Journey and Realizations
06:55 The Impact of Food on Health and Relationships
09:06 Normalizing Suffering and Ignoring Red Flags
11:48 The Emotional Attachment to Food
13:04 Food as an Emotional Partner
15:16 Manipulation and Lies in Food Choices
16:23 Reframing Our Relationship with Food
21:16 The Importance of Pausing and Reflecting
24:03 Cultivating Compassion Through Meditation
25:56 Healing and Energy Restoration
27:22 Understanding Cravings and Emotional Healing
29:51 The Power of Identity in Food Choices
31:03 Cravings: Physical, Emotional, or Spiritual?
32:38 The Psychology Behind Unusual Cravings
37:21 Postpartum and Identity Shifts
38:30 The Impact of Food Choices on Well-being
44:57 Learning to Shift Our Relationship with Food
45:32 Final Thoughts on Awakening and Change

 Resources

Dr. Denise Thinks' YouTube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/dr.denise.thinks
Dr. Denise Thinks Website - https://drdenisethinks.com
Psychology of Eating Book (Suggested) - https://www.amazon.com/s?k=psychology+of+eating

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Greetings to Awaken Living, where transformation, healing, and alignment comes alive. I am your host, Yali Giovanni, a holistic wellness guide, here to share tools, wisdom, and authentic conversations to awaken your higher self. This is your invitation to live fully, consciously, and in flow with life. Today we have Dr. Denise Thinks one more game, y'all, as promised. And we're going to be talking more in depth about the relationship that you have with food. Dr. Denise, little intro about who you are, ma'am.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Alrighty. I appreciate you. And thank you so much for having me back. I go by Dr. Denise Thinks because I used to think that I could eat whatever I wanted to without having any issues or negative effects on my health. But of course, through life experiences, found out and kind of traced it back to food. And so now I help people with the psychology of eating because once I found out that those foods were heating were hurting me, I couldn't stop. And it was just like a bad toxic relationship. And I was like, I gotta break up with this. Like what's going on? So yeah. So I I focus on the psychology of eating and help mostly women break up with their bad habits with food. Awesome. Oh, so you said mostly women? Mostly women. I do help. I can help anybody, of course, but my focus is us, you know, just because, hey, here we are.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Absolutely. So, but is there a particular age group that you focus on when it comes to working with them?

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Absolutely. Well, actually, who keeps coming my way, who I'm attracting, is those between 35 and 55 is the predominant age group.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

Okay. Okay. So that's probably the folks in the perimenopause stages where everything stays in our gut and we go from looking like an hourglass to a Spongebob. But let me not go there, okay? In your work. In your work, Dr. Denise. Thanks for shots fired. Because I'm guilty. I'm guilty. I'm not even gonna play with myself. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

Understood. Understood. That's why I like being around you because we we talk real stuff around here, no fluff, you know? You know, you know it. You know it. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

So let's flow before I get off topic. In your work, you help people reconnect with their bodies and trust themselves again. Do you see any connection between how people choose partners and how they choose food? Absolutely, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

I actually think there are a lot of parallels between the relationship with people and the relationship with food for sure. Because many of us have never been taught to slow down and truly listen to ourselves emotionally, mentally, physically, right? So we often choose what feels familiar and comforting, exciting, temporary, relieving, you know, instead of what truly nourishes us long term. So that can show up in dating and it can show up on our plate, right? So sometimes we override red flags in relationships, and sometimes we override our body's signals as well. So what's interesting to me is that people usually don't realize that food has become an emotional attachment until they try to change it and suddenly they feel grief, resistance, anxiety, fear. And then that's no longer about food. That's just strictly attachment, right?

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Yeah, absolutely. And you you said something that I think was very powerful is that we don't really realize how much food is associated with how we feel and who we choose and what we choose. Right. Right? Because we do ignore the red flags. I've been there, I was married to an abusive man, and the red flags were there.

unknown 4:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

But how you're feeling, what you're ingesting, what you're digesting, does affect how you think and how you feel and how you act in that moment. So you you know, to piggyback off of that, yes, you're absolutely right.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

So at what moment did you say, you know what, let me think about or let me research, or let me look into how the food affects how we're choosing relationships. Because that's very interesting and powerful at the same time.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Yeah, well, thank you. Um So I realized this, this was around 2017, and I got to a point to where I was just really sick and tired of having these long, excruciating, painful cycles. And I was like, you know, I was like, I just kind of woke up one day and I was like, this just can't be normal. Like it's been normal for me all of my life.

SPEAKER_02 4:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

But I'm like, this was back when we weren't really talking. I wasn't, I wasn't on social media, people weren't talking about their issues. So again, I thought it was normal for me. And um, I just decided to go to my gynecologist one day and I was like, okay, what's what's happening? And he was like, Oh, you've got two fireboys both the size of tennis balls. I was like, okay, what what are those? Like, what is that? He was like, Oh, they're just growths in the in the body around your reproductive area. It's um, they're almost always benign. And I was like, wait, wait, wait. I heard the words tumor, I heard the word growths, I heard the way almost always benign, and I was just kind of freaking out. And he was just so, you know, nonchalant. And um, he was like, You just get them cut out and it'll be fine. And I'm like, Well, what how did they get there? And I'm asking all these questions. He starts to get irritated about 15 minutes in. And um, something in me just told me, like, that gut intuition, right? Whether it's Spongebob shaped or not, it's still there. And um, I just listened to my gut and I was like, well, they don't just come out of nowhere. And if whatever I was doing previously got them there, even if he cuts them out, they probably will come back. And that's actually what he said. And I was like, so this can't be life. And so that's when I went down a research rabbit hole and just kept looking up stuff. And I was like, we have been lied to for so long, and I've got to make some changes. Long story short, I connected the dots between certain foods that were hurting me. And then um, I was like, okay, let me go back to school because I can't stop eating these foods that are abusing me. So what's wrong with me? And I I everything was pointing back to me. What's wrong with me? Why am I like this? Da-da-da-da. Then psychology came up and I was like, huh, let me go back to school and figure this out. And you know, I'm just kind of a nerd like that.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

Okay, okay. No, I I'm the same way because I'm always seeking the why and the connection and how to bring it full circle. So to bring it back full circle as far as what you're eating affecting the partner that you're choosing. Have you been, let me say, a victim of that?

SPEAKER_00 7:16

Oh, for sure. Absolutely. And that's actually how I kind of came up with this concept. I have not been in a physically abusive relationship, but the the power of the tongue and the looks can be just as deadly, right? Absolutely. So, yeah, definitely, you know, toxic got to a point to where it was just really toxic and abusive. And again, not physically, but again, that's just how I kind of correlate the foods that we put into our bodies. We only look at how it's going to feel for the first few seconds. We don't pay attention to the long-term effects, like the bloating, the fatigue, the acne. I got acne really, really bad at one point. And I equate that to the dairy and the cheese and whatnot, because that's in our culture. The pain, the inflammation. We don't I don't know if it's some I don't know. I want to ask you actually, do you think that most people connect the dots between food and all these other issues that we have? Or do you think it's just most people think it's out of nowhere?

SPEAKER_01 8:22

I think they some people connect food with their health, but not food with their relationships.

unknown 8:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:29

With partners, right? Right. Because we don't understand the psychology of the effects and effects of food, especially now that it's filled with pesticides and all that crap. But I think more so health-wise, oh, you know, if I was drinking pop, if I had stopped drinking pop, then I wouldn't have this kidney issue. But not, oh, you know, I'm eating like this because I feel like this, and so therefore I'm attracting this.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

And then I'm settling with this.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

And I'm tolerating this. Definitely. Right. So no, I don't think we really sit down and analyze that our food and what we eat is who we attract. You know, we say we say how you feel is what you're gonna attract, and the same applies to food, but we never think that way. Cause I didn't.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

Right. Yeah. Well, so that makes me think of two different situations. One is I have a client right now who had I think she had 17 fibroids 15 years ago. And she got them all removed and she felt fine for a little bit. And then, of course, um, right before she came to me, she had another 35. 35 right before she came to me. So nothing changed. I talked to her, I was like, okay, what behaviors did you change? Did you change your stress? Did you change anything? Pretty much everything was the same for another 15 years. And I'm like, that's your body communicating to you. It's talking to you in a way that we have to un begin to understand the language and take the time.

SPEAKER_02 10:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

And um, the other thing that that made me think of when you were talking about, you know, the parallels between relationships with food is that this is why like I no longer, or I at least really try my best to no longer judge people because you just never really know. So when I was a kid, I had a family member who was in a physically abusive relationship with a man. And me and my cousin, who is the same age as me, we used to just be like, What is wrong with you? I can't believe you can't, you know. You know, they it's obvious that he doesn't love you. Love doesn't look like this, it doesn't feel like this, da-da-da-da-da. And then years later, the cousin that was my same age, she became in a physically abusive relationship with a man as well. And I was just like, wait a minute, all these years we used to talk about cousins such and such, and now you're doing it. What is wrong with you? Da-da-da-da. And then again, years later, here I am with all of these fibroids, with the acne, with the arthritis, all these kind of things. And so the fingers that I point, I'm now looking at the fingers that are pointing back at me, and I'm just like, well, I couldn't get out of it either. I knew I read it in black and white that I knew that this was hurting me, but I didn't get out of that relationship.

SPEAKER_02 11:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:17

So yeah, we, you know, it's just we gotta look at ourselves and just stay in our own yard, you know what I mean? Absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 11:25

I I agree because you never think, first of all, abuse is emotional, is mental, is physical, right? Right. So you may experience all three at one time, you may experience one at a time, or you may only experience one.

SPEAKER_02 11:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

But they're all abused. It doesn't have a measure, it doesn't have a scale. It abuse is abuse, right? And so to piggyback off what you said is that we're so conditioned to point the finger at somebody else because it's easy to shift responsibility so you won't be accountable for your own action, your own thoughts, your own feelings, that it becomes our norm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

You know? It does. And for many people, like food has been the most consistent relationship in their life.

unknown 12:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

You know, food doesn't neglect you, it doesn't argue with you, it doesn't abandon you, it just gives you comfort. And so, especially in communities where stress is really high and emotional support isn't always available, food can quietly become like the reward, the coping mechanism, celebration, escape, all these kinds of things, right? Yeah. And that's why people end up saying, I deserve this or I need this, don't take this away from me because again, it's the most consistent thing. So I think that healing begins when we stop judging ourselves for that, even and start just becoming more curious about it.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

Yeah, I I agree. I agree. Would you agree that sometimes food can become an emotional partner?

SPEAKER_00 13:05

My gosh, yes. Yeah. Kind of like what I was just saying. It's always been there. It it's on every corner. It's it's flashing lights at you. It's telling you come eat me. It's telling you you can't function with throughout your day without me. So again, it's all these things, and and of course, attached with the psychology of eating with food marketing, tricks, and tactics, and all those kind of things. But when you're looking for something really quick and fast, it's there. It's never gonna go away. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

It's kind of like it's kind of like a silent pimp. That's good. You know, it's gonna massage you, it's gonna swame you, it's gonna do everything for you to get with, and then once you get it, you're like, ooh, yeah. I didn't know that's what you was doing to me.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

Yes, yes. That's right. Yeah, yeah. And again, it's it's easy for other people to just kind of judge that woman that's in that relationship. It's like, get out of that, just go, just run. What is wrong with you? But listen, we we all have our issues, you know?

SPEAKER_01 14:16

Absolutely, and it's not that simple. We learn that it's not that simple, right? Because it's psychological. And once they get in there, they know how to stay there and to manipulate and to, you know, have you move according to how they want you to move. It's very silent and subtle until it's not.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:37

Until it's not, right? So, in the sense of food, it affects, it's very subtle, you know, it smells good, it looks good, it tastes good, right? And then it's subtle, and then all of a sudden you have all these ailments. You can't pinpoint where it's coming from. You know, you find yourself on the couch more so, you're thinking of something else, and it's you're not correlating it, that is with food. You know, you find yourself in a relationship that you know you had no business getting into, but because your vibration and your frequency is so low, you're eating low vibrational food, so you're attracting low vibrational people. You know, we can go on and on, because I start discreeting.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

You get a you are right. You are right, man. That one key word that you said, the manipulation and the lies. Because the hardest thing about health is that it doesn't happen immediately all the time. I mean, of course, a heart attack can or whatnot, but it's still not a trace back to that one slice of pizza that you had, you know. Right or whatnot. So what you said was key manipulation and lies. And we've all been in relationships with a human where they have manipulated us and they've lied to us and they've cheated on us. That's why certain words I don't like to use, like people say I'm gonna have a cheat day this weekend. No, just call it a choice. You're just choosing to eat that particular thing, and that's just let it be that, you know? Absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

And it's just like in relationship, people often ignore red flags, right? Do you think we ignore food red flags the same way, like energy crashes? I mean, you mentioned bloating and fatigue and inflammation before, but what would you say when we ignore the food? Like what's what's an example that you have experienced?

SPEAKER_00 16:23

Oh my goodness. Um, we've just gotten to a place to where we ignore, or not really ignore, we just normalize the suffering, you know? So again, my the painful cycles that I had, I didn't know that you're actually not supposed to have a cycle that lasted longer than three days. So when I was a kid, it was seven days always from the jump. And then it went to 14 days and then 21 days, and then like one time it didn't stop for two months. So that just became my normal, you know? Yeah. Because, you know, again, everyone else is experiencing it too. Sometimes when you have family members that have arthritis, and at the age of 29, I got up from the couch and I was like, oh, it's my time to get arthritis too. Because everybody, I think everybody on my mom's side had arthritis. And I was like, all right, it's just my time. Yeah. But had to get to a space to where common does not mean normal, you know? And just like relationships, the body kind of whispers before it screams. But the problem is that we've been trained to override the whispers. So instead of asking, like, why do I feel this way? We often just kind of medicate the symptom and keep pushing on, like we've been taught and like we see our family members do. Yeah.

unknown 17:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

And and then and you're right, because we are conditioned to turn the blind eye, you know, turn your head or close your eyes, you didn't see anything, you didn't hear anything. And then meanwhile, somebody is suffering when we could have extended a hand.

SPEAKER_03 18:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

So you're right. And it's it's tough because again, the commercials just say, hey, enjoy that pizza, but just pop this afterwards. Yeah. You know, the heartbain, the heartburn, it's okay, just you know, drink and guzzle this pink stuff. Yeah. Fine. So we're just again manipulated in so many different areas. It's is it becomes tough until you get to a point to where you can retrain your mind and see the manipulation and hear the last because now when I see those um pizza commercials and they're pulling the slice and the cheese is coming away, I actually want to throw up now. At one point, yeah, right. Yeah. You have to get there. It doesn't, it doesn't just happen, but you have to rewire your mind to actually do that. And, you know, that's what I love helping women do. But yeah, it's it's funny. Most people, they're salivating, it's by memory. You get excited when you're about to have some food, and you have the food ain't even arrived yet, but you're advanced. You know, it's it's all right here, as we already know.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Yeah. Absolutely. Because I remember at one point, I love, I overlove cheese. Yeah. I mean, when I said I put cheese on everything, I remember when I started getting out of it and started being more conscious about what I eat and how I eat and how I get affected. When I went to the doctor to figure out what was going on with me, the list that he gave me of foods that I should not be eating, it was two sheets, two columns each. So I said to him, You want me to die? Everything I eat, you know? But it's about rephrasing, reframing, and retraining the mind to do better because you need better. There you go. Right? We want better, but we need better, and we gotta be able to separate the need better from the want better and do better, right? So then I'll be like, I went to Colombia and I saw they put cheese on my rice. And I go, cheese on rice? Yeah, mommy, you're not como esto. You know, what if I would know, you know, but but then but you know what? What what I'm saying with all that is that when you start to reframe and rephrase and retrain your mind, some things just don't make sense. And then you pause and you're like, oh my God, because the cheese was affecting me to the point that I was bending into the fetal position.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

Yeah, yeah. Right. That's the part that I I want to like. I'm asking for the universe to bring me more women that is really interested in preventative health than waiting until we get into that fetal position to where it's almost like no choice. But of course, there are still people that will still continue to be in that toxic, abusive relationship, even though they don't, you know, they know what's going on. And I and I get it. Again, it's the manipulation and the lies. But one of the things that you said was really, really key that we have to get back to, and that is pausing.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

We're so reactive, like something happens, we immediately gotta react. Just pause for a second, just breathe like we do before we start the podcast. I absolutely love that. It's retraining the whole entire nervous system to just remain calm no matter what's going on, you know? And we just gotta get to that place where we just pause. Like everything does not need an immediate reaction. Like popping your food in the microwave, you know, ready to pop off on somebody, cuss them out, and all this kind of stuff. Yeah. Relax. Relax. You know.

SPEAKER_01 22:03

Yeah. And you're so right because the other day somebody said something slick. Ugh. And I took that breath, baby. Okay. I'm about to say, did you pass the test or did you fail? I had to take, I took that breath. Okay. No, no, no, no. I am wealthy and energy, baby. I don't give away my money like that.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

There you go. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

And I'm just, I just gave a little smile and I just walked away because I would have chewed her up and spit her right back out. She wouldn't have known where hit her, how, and when. That was me. That was what'd you say? That's a growth.

SPEAKER_00 22:41

There you go. No, that's growth. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

Yes. In my soul for coaching, I share a lot of my stories with my clients because I don't want people to think that I didn't have my own struggle or still don't have my own struggle as I am guiding them to get to the place that they want to get to, right? Because at the end of the day, we're here for an experience. We're here to make corrections. We're here to for awareness, right? Acknowledgement.

SPEAKER_04 23:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

Accountability. And living in the abundance. Whatever abundance means to you, it doesn't have to always be paper money. And I separate the paper money because we are the currency in soul and spirit. That's our richness. That's our wealth. And the more we understand that, we won't worry about this paper money because everything will flow in the currency itself. You know, but I was saying all that because I allow myself to be as opposed to have this way of being because I am guiding you to a better place in your life. I'm not perfect. Right, right. You know what I'm saying? And that person tried me, and I have a great day.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

Right, right. You know what? Okay, so again, that used to be me. You're reminding me, you're giving me flashbacks of my old self. Uh-huh. And so just like you, again, none of us are perfect. But what actually helped me for anybody that's listening that still has trouble with like responding and reacting, or not responding, but reacting so quickly, is that um I've had to do some specific meditations to help me with compassion. Yeah. That that particular meditation helps you visualize yourself in their shoes. Because none of us comes out of the womb being a jerk or an adult, right? Somewhere along the way, somebody, you know, they they got they adapted to who they are for so many different reasons. Yeah. And so I'm like, okay, let me see how it feels to be in their shoes. Although it's not, I don't know everything about them. But again, just the fact that I know that they came out the womb innocently, something happened to where I'm fortunate enough to not have to live that road. Yeah. And so once I kind of visualize being that person, it makes me even more grateful for the things that I do have and grateful for the things that I don't have, you know? And that just yeah, that just humanizes people a lot more for myself. And it makes it easier for me to be like, you know what? It's okay. You can curse me out if you want to, it's fine. Uh I'll I'll be that punching bag if you need me to be. It's fine. And give them a smile. Yeah, give it a smile. Give them a smile.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

Yeah. When you know, when people are healing, there's a lot of things that come out to disrupt your energy.

SPEAKER_00 25:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 25:40

Right? And it's just like f fixing a car. I like, I like working on cars. People don't know that about me, but yeah, I like fixing things. And it's like mending the broken pieces and feeling that energy of the peace. Because I feel as though like when you connect the dots and you put a piece together that was once broken, your energy, you feel it in your energy. Yeah. You do. Yeah. Right? So when people feeling emotionally drained from the food, and they realize, for instance, potato chips is one of the number one for people. Right. Mine was hot fries. I was eating that stuff like it was I don't even know. Like smother, I don't eat pork, but smothered chicken. I don't know what. I was eating that thing. I was so I found myself addicted to it. Right. But I don't have an addictive personality trait. Okay. I can literally eat something and I'll use that as an example. I will find myself eating hot fries, and then I'll be like, wait a minute. Why am I eating this so much? And I can say, okay, this is the last one. And I and that will be it for me. Right?

SPEAKER_03 27:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

I don't have to go through a 90 day process. You know, and bless those souls that have to, because they don't understand that it's right here. Right. Right? So I can do that. But those choices are emotional. So when we find ourselves healing from those, you actually feel empowered. And that's one of the things we have to understand and open ourselves up to understand is that the more you release and relinquish what has control over you, you gain your power back. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 27:36

Yes. Right. Definitely. Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, it when someone is healing emotionally, I definitely notice it a lot when it comes to their food choices. They, you know, all of that starts to change too. But one, those kind of foods are chemically engineered to keep us wanting to come back. So that's not necessarily a mental issue. That's more of like it, it's just a chemical dependency that's going on with your tongue. Like it makes you physically want to do and eat more, like just one more. Even think about like the um the food marketing, the psychology of food marketing. I love talking about this in my private group because, you know, they're the powers they be, they control and own everything. But is there one slogan you can think of where they're saying, like, dang, if I say it, you obviously it's gonna give it away. But it's a chip. Uh-huh. And they're just, they're okay, I I can't even get do something without even actually saying it. But they're saying, I bet you can't just eat one. And so psychologically, they're getting people to be like, you know what, I can. I'm just gonna have one. Yes. You know, how many people has ever only had one chip? Like that just doesn't happen. But the funniest thing to me is that um if you ever looked on the back of the panel and you know, they're showing the amount of calories, the fat, and all that kind of stuff. Have you ever looked at it's like, okay, that actually is for like 12 chips? So as many chips that we or as much chips that we have in one setting, you gotta multiply those numbers by X amount, you know what I mean? And a lot of times it's the whole daggum bag. Yes. When people become calmer emotionally and more self-aware and more rested, more supported, all those kind of things, their cravings naturally shift.

SPEAKER_02 29:35

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 29:35

And but when you start supplying the body with the actual minerals that it's asking for, which my number one is sea moss, once I started taking that consistently, my cravings for sweetness, like that just went away. Okay. Went away. Yeah. So I thought it's just go say that again.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

No, I'm saying that's a perfect segue. Because the next question I was gonna ask you is people say they have a sweet tooth. I have a sweet tooth. Like it's a part of your identity, right? In relationships, people say, I always choose the wrong person. Do you think identity keeps both patterns alive?

SPEAKER_00 30:12

Oh my goodness, absolutely. I mean, identity is very powerful. If someone is consistently saying those kind of things, I'm the I have a sweet tooth, I'm the emotional eater, I can't stop snacking, I always fail, I have no discipline, all those kind of things, right? The brain starts protecting that identity. Yeah. And so it's the same that happens in relationships as well. So people often unconsciously recreate familiar patterns because identity says this is who we are.

SPEAKER_02 30:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:45

And so that's why like sustainable change isn't just behavior change. It's a lot of deep rooted identity work that needs to happen. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

Yeah. What is your take on cravings? Do you believe cravings are physical, emotional, spiritual, or all three?

SPEAKER_00 31:03

Oh my goodness. Cravings can definitely be all three for sure. Because sometimes the body truly needs nourishment. And sometimes we're dehydrated a lot of times. I've sat in rooms with a lot of people for hours, and I'm the only one getting up to go to the restroom. Oh, okay. Multiple times. Yeah. And so they may think that they're hydrating themselves, but they're actually not. They're they're maybe drinking liquid, but obviously those liquids are things that are keeping us even more dehydrated. Yeah. A lot of us are undernourished, we're overstimulated, we're sleep deprived, or again, the middle room deficiency that I was talking about with CMO. So cravings are definitely emotional stress, loneliness, boredom, overwhelm, comfort seeking, all these kind of things. So I don't think that cravings, though, should be automatically judged. Yeah. I think that they should be investigated compassionately, though. So a lot of different dynamics that people have going on in their lives, but it's not the same for everybody, obviously. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:12

Yeah. Okay. That, you know, it's funny you say that as far as cravings, right? Because as a doula, when I'm with clients, you know, some of them, not all of them have cravings, right? But some of them have the most weirdest cravings. For instance, I had one at one point, she craved uh soap powder. And it was a particular brand. Mm-hmm. I thought that was so interesting. I was like, wow. And at the time, she only will put a little on her tongue to suffice, you know, to put to just kind of like get like it's it's enough. Like that's that helps. The word is not coming out. When I have it here, it's just not coming out. But she would just put just a tad piece on her tongue just to suffice that craving. And I thought that was interesting of how, you know, the psychology of that.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

Yeah. I mean, obviously I don't know that particular person, but it's so much that goes on. So I'll give you an example that comes to mind. When I was teaching at a university, I did a blindfold and pince their nose taste test to my students. And of course, before I did the taste test, you know, I asked them if they had any kind of allergies or anything like that, because I ain't trying to hurt nobody for real. But um, nobody had any allergies. But I had one black female student and she was like, I'm not allergic to it, but I hate mustard. And I was like, mustard? I love mustard. She was like, What's wrong? Like, why don't you like? She's like, I just can't stand it. So please just don't put that anywhere near me. Okay. And I was like, okay. So of course, what do I do? I give her mustards. Like, I put, I gave everybody a little um styrofoam plate. Uh-huh. And, you know, I'm testing with different foods to eat eat, you know, to each of the students. And again, they're blindfolded, and also I took away their sense of smell. Okay. And so when I gave everybody the mustard, she was literally licking the plate. Lick, like licking the plate. And so I had them take their blindfold off and I was like, look at the plate. And they and I said, Could you tell what you just ate or it tasted? Yeah. And she goes, Oh my God, is this mustard? And I said, Yeah. She was like, but it tasted good. So it was, she stayed after class with me for a while, and we went back and forth why she didn't like mustard. Long story short, in almost a semester that went by, we traced it back to her older brother that was like two or three years older than her. He, when they were kids, he used to pin her down and he squirted mustard all over her, smeared it on her face, put it on her clothes, all kinds of stuff, just taunting her with mustard all the time. Okay. That's why she didn't like mustard. So yeah, you you have to really go back. Like food is therapy. And then also a part of my program, I actually have a certified life coach that's a part of my program that gives them a year worth of therapy because a lot of our bad food choices are influenced by everything else that's going on around us. Yeah. So you yeah, I I would love to talk to your client on why she wanted that. You said soap detergent, is that what you said? Yeah, but she was five years ago.

SPEAKER_01 35:42

Six years ago, actually.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:45

You just never know.

SPEAKER_01 35:46

But the body does screw when you're when you're expecting your hormones are all over the place. And you have cravings that you don't even understand why you have. Right. Right? Because there's a psych not only is it psychol uh psychological, it's also emotional. It's also spiritual. It's also, you know, it's so many things combine in your experience. And that's why they always say, like a body, a woman's body, when she's expecting, she's between life and death. And that's and that's true. Yeah. But it's yeah, I've always thought that was interesting. And she always stayed in the back of my head because people usually crave foods like maybe pickles and I don't know, rice. You know, I stuff like that. But soap powder, I never had that except that one time. And I thought that was very interesting.

SPEAKER_00 36:42

Ver yeah. It can it can be really deep. Um I think when it comes to like the uh some cravings and being spiritual, like you talked about, in the sense that people are longing for connection and peace and purpose and rest or fulfillment. So food becomes like the quickest accessible substitute. Yeah. And with from what I'm understanding, that when a woman gives birth, automatically that's postpartum, right? That's I think we we incorrectly use the word that I just learned. And postpartum depression is what some people are experiencing, but it's still postpartum when you give birth, correct? Yeah, like yes, is the fourth often referred to the fourth trimester. Okay, gotcha. Okay. So yeah, so I think, well, I haven't studied this, so I really don't want to go too deep into it and because I don't want to miss, you know, represent any kind of research or anything, but just thinking about it surfacely, if a woman is carrying a child for so many months and then all of a sudden it's no longer there, that's a whole new identity too. So she's gonna go through some ups and downs. And then the hormones that you talked about, you know, that's why I'm a huge proponent of, you know, understanding what we're eating, especially if it comes from another species. Yeah. That just I think it just messes up with our hormones and it just takes things all out of whack, you know. That's why we're experiencing a a lot of things that we don't want to physically in our bodies. Because we we're just combining um, again, the the spirit of another animal, the the their hormones, and it just it doesn't make any sense to combine the two. Like our bodies don't need that at all. And you and you said it right.

SPEAKER_01 38:32

You hit that nail right on the head. We are ingesting the energy also of that animal, not knowing how it died, what it felt, and we're eating it. We put in some good old steak sauce and some garlic and salt and pepper, and whatever else you're putting on that steak, and yummy it up, and it's affecting you, and you have no idea. Yeah, yeah. I have no idea. Yeah, I haven't had steak in so long. I haven't had pork in over 20 years. Oh wow.

SPEAKER_00 39:07

Nice, nice. All right, for me it's been about 10. Okay. But yeah, but I don't want to come on here acting like I'm on this pedestal. It's like, oh my gosh, I can't believe you eat that stuff. Yeah. I was raised on those things. I used to love chiplins and hot dogs and hamburgers and all these kind of things. But hold on now, sis. Hold on. You eat shit linked before. Used to. That was my own identity. You know, I used to. I'm just messing with you. But yeah, it's my daddy's fault. He used to feed it to me. You know, they put hot sauce in my baby bottle. So I used to could not eat anything without putting some hot sauce on it. Really? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 39:54

Food is cultural, you know, it's in everything. It's it's everything. I remember when I first um tasted chitlins. And and for lack of a better word, I call it shit links. They told me what that was. I spit that thing out so fast.

SPEAKER_00 40:12

That's that's okay. That right there, like, and something that you said earlier about when you're talking about the cheese on your rice. Yeah, some things just don't make sense, right? But to other people, it makes complete sense. And so when you're trying to break up with something or someone, you focus on the things that don't make sense, and you know your body is rejecting it. Heartburn, burps. Yeah, all those things is the body trying to tell you we don't like this. Let's break up. So I think we gotta focus more again on the part that's hurting us versus the the little instant gratification that we get when we first put something on our tongue and it tastes good. That's just, yeah. We yeah, keep it separate from the other parts.

SPEAKER_01 41:04

Yeah, you know, that that texture actually is what made me say, what's this? Right. And then they explained, they said what it was, and I said, What is that? And then they explained it, and I go, Oh no. Because I'm like, you so you spend time scraping some shit out for you to wash it and and season it? I said, that's crazy. I did no, I'm good. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 41:31

So was it the very first bite that you spit it out, or did you have some already? Absolutely. Okay. Absolutely. Okay. So wait, what about the steak though, or any other kind of meat that you used to eat? You didn't did you make the connection and or you didn't care, or what what was it like?

SPEAKER_01 41:48

The meat, well, the chitlin part happened when I was a teenager. Okay. The the the pork happened when I started my s I always had these stomach issues and then I started uh a food diary.

SPEAKER_03 42:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 42:05

Mentally though. I wasn't writing it down yet. And I wouldn't say, okay, when I eat this, I'm gonna see how I'm gonna feel. Okay. So when I will eat the pork, whether it was pork chops or, you know, jerk pork or whatever the case it may be, I would notice that my stomach will hurt really badly. So then I stopped eating the pork. And then so when I stopped eating that, then my stomach wasn't hurting as bad. But it was still hurting. So then process of elimination, that's how that started with me. Then it was the beef. Okay. I didn't eat beef as much, but whenever I ate beef, I feel the same, you know, pain in my stomach. And so I eliminated the beef. So I went that way until and then I had stopped eating chicken for a while. I'm gonna start again, you know, because I I did slip and and I stayed slipped. I understand. I get it, I get it. But I remember with the chicken, it was it's phlegm. Whenever I eat chicken, I have phlegm in my body. So I find myself coughing and I find myself coughing up phlegm. So that's how I did the process of elimination with the meats. Okay. I will dib and dab with goat meat here and there, because I love me some curry goat, baby. That's the one I'm gonna have to fight.

SPEAKER_00 43:28

Well, listen. But it's not an addiction. You just about helped yourself because you said curry goat, right? Yeah. Curry is the seasoning, right? Correct. Because you don't like the goat. If if you just had it straight out of the package without cooking it, you're not gonna eat that, right? Absolutely not. You like the seasoning. So what I tell people to do and help them in their transitioning is seasoning their mushrooms or whatever, whatever gives them that same texture and the look and the smell, just transfer. And I know most people know that by now with you know the plant-based uh drive and everything, but it's the seasoning though, sis. It's it's not the goat that you like. And I know better.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

Especially with the retreat I I hosted in April. Um, Chef K came in and taught a really amazing lesson with the food and the vegetables because everyone at the table hadn't experienced plant-based food the way she made it and the way she guided us. Okay. Everyone was shocked. Okay. This tastes like this. Oh, so you need to tell me all I gotta do is put the same seasoning I'll put on meat on the veggies?

SPEAKER_00 44:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 44:40

Yes, yes, it was amazing. So you're right. I know better. It's a it's it's uh give yourself grace, no suit. I do, I I do, I sure do, I sure do. It might be once, you know, in a quarter or something, but I'll smell that curry goat and I'll enchon in. You know, but I love it. I I love the fact that we're learning, coming right back into what we're talking about. We're learning and we're giving ourselves permission to understand the relationship between the food we choose and our emotional state so that we can shift the paradigm.

SPEAKER_00 45:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:19

Absolutely. Nice, love that.

SPEAKER_00 45:21

Love that, man. Like you just like gave me a boom. That's I'll leave it. Love it.

SPEAKER_01 45:32

Dr. Denise Thinks. Yeah, what is one thing you would like to leave with our community today?

SPEAKER_00 45:38

Oh my goodness, that's good. Um think about that pause again. Think about the pause. Take alcoholizing breaths, which I have like how to properly do that on my YouTube channel. If anybody's interested in doing that, they can find it at Dr. Denise Thinks on YouTube. But um, if they're just really tired of being in a rep, like the same old thing, kind of like Groundhog's Day, try to test yourself for two weeks to do things almost everything opposite. And I mean like getting out of the opposite side of the bed, brushing your teeth with the opposite hand. Let's say if you have to have coffee, let's just say, all right, while the coffee is brewing, you're gonna get on the floor and stretch or do some sit-ups or pull-ups or push-ups or whatever, you know, something. And one of the biggest things is that if they have, you know, a nine to five where they're going from home to work or school or whatever that it is, go in a different direction. And the reason why I say that is that it wakes you up, it makes your neurons fire to a point to where you have to pay attention. And the reason why I think in research they say most of the wrecks happen within a five-mile radius of people's home is because we're so used to it. It's just, it's like this is familiar grounds, so I'm not really paying attention.

SPEAKER_02 47:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:02

But if you go in a different direction to your home or to work, it makes you actually keep more aware. And then the billboards that are you're passing by and the the restaurants and the flashing hot now signs, all that kind of stuff kind of switches up because they say it takes 19 times for us to see something before it gets our attention to where it makes us want to salivate and want something different. You know what I mean? If that makes sense. But yeah, because when I was a kid, I used to ask my mom, I was like, who's who's able to read these billboards while they're driving? Mom, it doesn't make sense. Yeah. And I don't remember her having an answer, but now I know it's just meant to play subconsciously in your mind. Yes. So you may not read every word, but it it's getting there, you know?

SPEAKER_01 47:50

Absolutely. Absolutely. Bretika for sharing and joining me today. Where can they reach you should they want to reach Dr. Denise Thinks?

SPEAKER_00 47:59

Um well, I focus now on my YouTube channel, which is dr.denise.thinks. They can also reach me uh by email, drdenise at drdenise thinks.com. And of course, that's the website as well, drdenise thinkes.com. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:17

Awesome, awesome. Well, y'all, gratitude for listening to this amazing episode. Gratitude for joining me on this journey of awakened living. May the insight and practices we share today inspire you to live with more peace, presence, and purpose. If this episode touched your spirit and soul, I invite you to comment, share, and subscribe. Don't forget to download, okay? Don't forget to download so that together we can awaken more lives. To connect more deeply, visit yalligiovanni.com and follow yalligiovanni across social media platforms where you'll find resources, events, and holistic offerings to support your journey. Until next time, remember your light is sacred, your journey is divine, and your awakening begins within. Until next time, y'all. See you later.